Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I took a personality disorder test

My results were:
Paranoid - Low
Schizoid - Low
Schizotypal - Moderate
Antisocial - Low
Borderline - Low
Histronic - High
Narcisstic - Low
Avoidant - Low
Dependent - Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive - High

Schizotypal - Very, very slightly agree with. I am odd, but have no such anxiety, shyness or obsession with paranormal phenomena
Histronic - Hmm, I can be suggestible in some situations and I do use extravagant language at times. Okay, and I sometimes like being the centre of attention. But I don't feel a need for it.
Dependent - I do hate feeling alone, sometimes feel the need for praise and am very indecisive. But oddly enough I'm quite independent in the way that I'm comfortable in my own company and feel strong enough to accept criticism or dislike from others.
Obsessive-Compulsive - I completely agree. This term gets thrown around a lot and I tried to reassure myself that I was fine but recently I've come to the point where I can admit that I may have a problem. Very nearly all the symptoms match up to me and it's kind of scary but oh well. I'd kind of like to be properly diagnosed because I just want to know and maybe get some help. The name of this blog comes from the fact that my hands often end up bright pink/red, dry, cracked and occasioanlly bleeding from excessive hand washing, but that's only the surface of this potential thing.

That was interesting. I like knowing that I'm okay.

It's not difficult

People should probably just get over the fact that I'm stubborn. And that's it. Sometimes my opinions might momentarily sway upon receiving new information, but ultimately I'm steadfast in certain views. There are many things in this world that I'm unsure of, but there are those things that I just know and it would take a tremendous effort to persuade me otherwise. Being agnostic is one of these occasions. However, I do seem to be edging towards atheism as time goes on.

Pertaining to my fixed opinions is the recent HPV vaccine supposedly preventing cervical cancer. I wrote a long post on why my mother and I refused the opportunity for me to receive the vaccine. In short, research has only been conducted on the vaccine for about 5 years. That's approximately as long as the production of The Sims 3. Long term effects are unknown. It's just worrying and I don't want something put in my body unless I can be completely sure that it will be beneficial and safe.

Yesterday a girl died soon after having the HPV vaccine. It's impossible to ascertain the cause of her death until the post-martem examination of Tuesday. However, if she did die as a result of the vaccine, she is not the only one. And for this to happen to even one girl is one to many.

I was debating for quite a while as to whether I should have had the vaccine and I've not ruled it out completely, even now, but this latest case does reassure me that I may have done the right thing for me at least.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I'm sorry...

Hershi. For being so bad at replying to comments. Like I said, I will get on it when I can. I'm sorry :( I'm a bad blog-keeper!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Arsenic acceptance

Please note: I wrote this in September after the first course of injections for the HPV vaccine. I feel that it needed to be published, even though I wasn't daring enough to do so at the time.

The first course of HPV injections took place on Monday. It's supposed to prevent women contracting the two main types of the HPV virus that cause cervical cancer.

Let's review why I didn't have this vaccination:
  • My mother and I are quite alternative (my dad less so). She's against quite a few vaccinations, so shortly after the initial courses of injections that every baby has, I stopped having them. I haven't had an injection (except anaesthetic in my gum) for probably about 14 years.
  • This vaccination has only been tested for around five years. The Sims 3 was in devolpment for longer than that. If a game cannot be made perfect in five years and still has glitches, how can a vaccination?
  • Most of the research and testing for this vaccination was paid for by the drug companies, so therefore could have been biased. Ultimately, those companies want to sell the drugs.
  • Side-effects can be anything from mild flu-like symptoms to paralysis, incontinence, brain damage, seizures and death. And it's not a tiny minority either.
  • 90% of HPV infections can be cleared by the body's own defences and most people will contract HPV at some point in their lifetime.
  • Dr Christianne Northrup, a gynaecologist, supports the claim that a healthy, nutritious diet helping the immune system is a much better defence against HPV infections and cervical cancer than the vaccination.
  • One in five women with cervical cancer tested negative for HPV infections. Surely this shows that there are other causes that also need to be investigated.
  • I don't really want arsenic in my body. If I did, I'd ingest it myself.
  • The vaccination is estimated to last around six to seven years. If I were to have it now, at age 15, it would last until I was around 22. Women can't have smear tests before the age of 25. If a woman was to get cervical cancer in the window where she was not protected, she wouldn't know. Then what happens when the vaccination runs out? Is the Government going to be able to provide booster injections for everyone.
So, those are my personal reasons. You may disagree, and that's absolutely fine. I just think everyone's accepted these injections far too easily. I'm the only person I know who did any independent research prior to deciding on whether to have the injection. It's like signing a contract before reading it, and in doing it you could be signing your life away.

Well, no one's died in my school which is very good. If anyone was going to die, they would have done by now so hopefully everyone's safe.

I'm not saying never. If conclusive evidence to show that this vaccination is absolutely safe and necessary is produced, go ahead and stick a needle in my arm. But if not, I remain resolute.

Oh, and no, I don't see myself having any sexual contact in the next year so if I change my mind about the injections by the time the next vaccinations come around, that's fine.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Okay, so, I'm ill for the first time in six months...

And I'm off school at the moment because I know that there's absolutely no way I could manage to learn feeling like this. Allow me to explain: it started last Friday with a cold that came on very quickly, followed by a cough. This became very bad over the weekend but I pushed on and tried to just deal with it. It was still horrible on Monday but I came into school because it was photo day and otherwise I might have had a blank spot in the year book (though my picture will probably have red eyes and nostrils). Going to school did help me feel a bit better, but the whole week it's been hard to concentrate because if it's not incessant coughing, sneezing or nose-running, it's the throbbing head and strange, ineffable aches.

I'm good at hiding my feelings, physical or emotional, hence the fact that when I was run over in the road by a bicycle I just got up and limped on, trying not to complain to anyone. But I knew today that if I went to school I wouldn't be able to learn very well at all, so it's better just to recover and catch up. It's only one day, anyway. My cold and cough have mostly gone away, but this has left the other symptoms worse. My body feels kind of empty which makes it hard to do things, so at the moment I'm resigned to the sofa or my bed.

I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about eating. I'm kind of hungry and there's something nice in the fridge but often when I'm ill it's completely different when the food's presented to me. It's incredibly odd for me to have lost my appetite so it's a sign that I'm really rather ill. Normally by now on a school day I would have at least had a chocolate bar as my mid-morning stack and would be waiting for lunch.

This is unrelated but weird. Before today I had no idea what The Lovely Bones was about. At all. Yesterday, I helped devise and performed in a drama piece that has exactly the same plot as The Lovely Bones. I want to read it now. I also have The Sisterhood, Hannibal, Glamour, Company and Love it! to read. That's arranged on the quality of reading material, I think.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

My laptop's ailing...

The cable went wrong again so the battery is running out fast. Thus, I'm on my parents' five-year-old computer at the moment. Fortunately, it has a shiny new widescreen monitor.

Friday was a joyous day for me. I spent the whole summer holiday (seven and a half weeks) worrying about something to find that it turned out more than okay - it turned out absolutely amazing. This has spurred me on and I'm looking forward to next summer. I'll finally maybe have a bit of wreckless fun and be carefree again.

Over the summer I had to write a monolgue for Drama based on the stimulus 'Blood, Sweat, Tears and Tantrums'. Horribly cliche, I know, but I managed in the end. I wrote four monologues and was only happy with the last one, which I wrote today while listening to Regina Spektor. It's amazing that no matter what her songs are about, at least one of them always manages to inspire me.

In around 31 or so weeks I will be free from my secondary school. I really, really, really can't wait for that day. Sixth form college and university will ensue. And so will happiness (hopefully).

Hmm, I'll make no apologies for this post even though I think it's slightly boring. It's a Sunday - what can I say?