Oh, is that an end in sight?

After an intensive week and a half of exams, I've now finished over half of my GCSEs - I'm getting there! Today was my final official day of secondary school before exam leave - an emotional whirlwind filled with signing autographs books, taking pictures, hugging and me pretending to be a dinosaur hatching out of an egg in RS. I really will miss so many people, quite a few teachers and some of the aspects of the school. I know I've outgrown it now, but it served me well for five years.

I've decided that today should be a break - no revision (what a novelty!), a bit of Facebook and music, and even arranging to see Sam for the first time in so long.

I didn't acknowledge that it was my birthday last Sunday and just persevered with revision. Of course, I will celebrate my birthday, and I'm going to do it properly during the summer. You know that phrase 'work hard play hard'? Well, perhaps I'll epitomise that during the summer - I've worked painstakingly during these past two years, so I really need to, er, 'play hard'. And by this, I mean that I'll maybe throw a birthday party, visit London, go on holiday, see friends, read for fun, learn a new skill and just partake in all the things that I've longed to do but have put off due to revision in GCSE years.

Never before has the phrase 'the end is in sight' been more relevant - it's exactly four weeks until my final exam. Four weeks from now, I will be rejoicing. It's not been an easy two years, but the time has had many fun points and was full of new experiences.

Oh yes, and I'm sixteen now. Okay, right, this is... exactly the same. Not that I expected to feel any different. When you don't celebrate your birthday, it's really just another day.

More a yardstone than a mile

Today I came to the realisation that in less than a month I'll be 16 and under two months from now I'll have finished all my GCSE exams for ever. But, as has been the case for around 5 years now, I'm not at all excited for my birthday because:

• It's going to be revision-filled. I have exams the next day and in the following weeks. There's really no time to celebrate.
• As usual, I plan to postpone my birthday. I haven't even received my main presents for my 15th birthday because I postponed it and then never really got back into the birthday mood.
• I don't really feel like having a party or anything of the sort. Of course, I want to spend time with friends and family to mark the occasion.
• Although 16 is considered quite a milestone birthday, I don't really have anything to look forward to. I just want to make this a fulfilling year of life.
• The idea of buying lottery tickets, sex and being able to drink one glass of beer or cider with a meal in a licensed pub accompanied by an adult does not excite me.

What a sensible (boring) and mature (disdainful) 16-year-old I'm going to be.

The skin on my thumb looks like that of a roasted chestnut

Most of my blog posts come to mind when my brain lets go a little and just starts to conjure up random ideas. A phrase might pop out at me, such as the title of the post, and then I'll just write. I hate routine andwant my blog to reflect my eclectic life, so after I the title has come about I try to let the words flow.

So, normally I shun the 'I did this, then this, before doing this' etc. type of posts as my life tends to spill out of traditional blog formats, but I feel that this week in particular could provide some interest...

Monday - Shuffle into school awaiting five hours of Drama for my final exam. Get on with the work surprisingly well, considering how scary the whole prospect of the final exam is, and return home proud of my group and our progress.

Tuesday - Pretty much do the norm in lessons, except Biology and Chemistry in which revision notes are attempted. Become frustrated at the messiness of my handwriting and hail the mighty computer.

Wednesday - Buckle down to another full day of the Drama exam. With the fellow group members, manage to finish devising our piece. Perform it to the teachers in the afternoon and receive a surprisingly warm reception. Stay at school until 4.40 pm finishing my portfolio, before trudging home to make revision notes about railways in Britain 1815-51.

Thursday - Act as an American gossip columnist persuading the magazine editor, my teacher, to run a story about Ashley Cole having further affairs, possibly with a man this time. Receive full marks and rejoice that something that comes to me so naturally worked out well. Continue through the day as normal.

Friday - Spend the morning frantically preparing for the Drama exam performance to the moderator. Squeeze every ounce of acting talent into the eventual performance and hope.

Saturday - Mill about the house writing my History coursework on the economy in Nazi Germany. Feel mentally taxed, and somehow physically, too.

Sunday - Do the same thing as yesterday, but over a longer period of time. Meticulously check through my work, print the 14-page essay and feel proud of myself. Take a pleasant bath, followed by an energetic shower.

Oh, and in less than one week I'll be in Spain, to revise for my upcoming Languages Orals, of course. ¡Adios por ahora!

(For reference, my the skin on my thumb looks like that of a roasted chestnut because on Wednesday I was 'hammering' the floor all day in Drama and this wore away the skin on my thumb. I've been wearing a plaster almost constantly since then which has wrinkled my skin)

I think I shined today

I was in my element. But I'd better shine even brighter tomorrow.

Provisions, projects, planning

A brief plan of the near future, without too much thinking involved.

March - Finish French and Spanish Oral Booklets, learn them, begin to make notes of other subjects to revise, perform final Drama exam piece.

April - Focus on revision for French and Spanish Orals, do the exams, build up revision of other subjects.

May - Continue to revise, do some of my GCSE exams, maybe think about the fact that I turn 16.

June - Finish revision, do the rest of my GCSE exams.

July - Get over the shock of (temporarily) having no more coursework/homework/revision to do, have fun, go to London and Glasgow.

August - More of the same, maybe go to Somerset, Bristol and Paris, receive my GCSE results and (hopefully) rejoice.

September - Start sixth-form, work very hard again, make some new friends (while keeping in touch with old ones), establish myself as a new person.

October - Continue to work hard, begin revision for any upcoming January exams, go to an expensive hotel.

December - Revise for my January exams, celebrate Christmas.

So, that might be my year, if things go to plan.

So, this is what my life has been reduced to

Today I had to refuse invitations both to the cinema with my mother and to town with two friends as I simply have too much work to do. Okay, I'm making progress (and so I should be considering that I've been working hard for at least 2 hours a day during this half term!) but I'm still not close to finishing. The consolation is that I've finished my Drama portfolio, but that took until Monday to do and the completed 'notes' as the examiners ridiculously call them span 15 pages in Microsoft Word (font - Arial, size 12) and total 5718 words. Now, still on my to-do list is:

• Finish the History coursework question. I've done every section except the last, so it'll just be that and the introduction which I can definitely finish this weekend. Although it's not a hugely difficult essay (and a mini-essay at that), I've tried to find as much relevant information as possible to put in so have been scouring the internet as well as my two text books and source sheet, so while writing it I've been very precise and have frequently tweaked it if when slightly unsatisfied.
• Get some more of the Statistics coursework done. Due to my preoccupation with the History coursework, I only really started typing this Statistics work up yesterday. I've basically finished all of the preliminary sections and can now start calculating (and then meticulously checking because one tiny mistake in Statistics can throw your whole investigation off balance) I think my Maths teacher is checking the work either at the end of the coming week or the beginning of the next, but the more I finish over half term, the smoother my return to school next week will be.
• Try to write more of my answers for the French and Spanish Oral booklets. My love of languages leads me to feel a little patronised by these resources, and I think my teachers see this. I understand that there are a wide range of topics that must be covered in modern languages, but I'm highly frustrated by the omnipresent 'Décrire ta maison' (describe your house) or 'Hablame de tus ratos libres' (talk to me about your free time) It's such a vacuous conversation that you end up having with the examiner and I don't think many people care about the fact that I've had the same purple curtains with stars and moons on since I was seven, or that usually I enjoy riding my bike because it's a healthy thing and I love being out in the open. I want to discuss issues that affect me, and the only current-affair topic is how to improve the environment which has very little weighting in the exam as it doesn't provide a huge opportunity to use the past, present, future or conditional tenses. However, fortunately A-level languages encourage and foster a far more mature speaking style which I've been yearning for ever since I first heard the 'What is your bedroom like?' question.
• Start revision properly for the final May/June exams. Argh, less than 3 months now until they begin!

So, as much as I wanted to partake in both of the aforementioned activities today, I simply couldn't. It's just been working and eating today. Oh, and a bath, of course.

I completely accept having to stay in all day working and revising because I constantly look ahead. I imagine myself on results day, crying with happiness for the first time in so long. For that moment, I won't care that I live where I do, or about cleanliness or the tangles in my hair, just the wonder of that moment. And then it's all worth it, for I have nothing to regret. When I work as hard as I possibly can on something, I know that I've done everything in my power to achieve the grades that I want.

Another reason that I was forced to resign myself to the house today is my plan for tomorrow. This was booked last year so of course I couldn't rearrange it, and thus had to compensate by working extra hard today. I'm going to see the Rocky Horror Show, so that should be interesting and camp enough for my liking. Of course, true to my nature, I'll be working in the morning and afternoon tomorrow because the show's in the evening.

In total, this half term has offered very little 'break' as it promised, but at least it signifies my nearing the end of secondary school life.

Hershi, you'll be pleased to know...

I certainly do not plan to be an English teacher. I can't handle the ambiguity. Oh, and Welsh Board, please, I beseech you, pardon my heinous mistake of using emotive language to describe an equally emotive and imagery-laden piece. (Hopefully you'll detect the sarcasm in that last sentence)

Well, all I can say is despite my marking failure, at least I'm past the phase when I was so worried about offending anyone that I would give any piece of work near-full marks. Peer marking does not work - it simply shames and deprecates others.

Oh, and one more little thing - I don't usually ask for a consistent approach to education, but I must admit that it would be nice sometimes. Just last week, I was told to throw as much knowledge and explanation that I could muster into all answers in Science, yet in English Language my demise is constantly my excessive justification. I just like to be thorough, and I feel unable to leave anything unattended to.

The only consolation is that now I'm certain of what to do. Despite the question in question being a 'What are your impressions...?' affair, I must only focus on the physical entities for such texts and leave the emotive language in my ranting drawer.

I think my faith in Drama has been restored

Every effort in I made GCSE Drama seemed to be in vain. I could achieve good marks, but I wanted something better, something more - it wasn't fulfilling or rewarding. My hunger was insatiable, and I didn't know how to solve it.

Today, I had to perform Juliet's speech from Romeo and Juliet. Of course, it was the 'O Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo?'. Most of my class hadn't learned their lines beforehand and only performed the first four lines, but I remembered the whole speech which amounted to 16 lines in total. I just threw every last bit of naive, young girl in forbidden love that I had inside me, and hopefully it paid off. It was filmed so one of my teachers who wasn't in the lesson will be able to watch it. I really enjoyed the whole experience and it just felt like the most natural and apt thing I've ever done, even though I haven't been in love.

I really love performing Shakespeare - it's one of my favourite areas of Drama. I think my accent and demeanour are rather Shakespearean. It's literal, it's indulgent and heady and somehow still relevant today. Now I'm seriously considering auditioning for the National Youth Theatre.

Struggling to gather the words

This is me messing with people's neurons ;)

Lots happened today, namely shopping in town for a friend's birthday. It was fun, but it's not what I want to talk about now as I have something deeper that I have to get from my brain to my fingers to text.

Yesterday in school we received our reports with all our grades on. I was pleased with mine as it consisted completely of A and A* grades (A* is the highest grade you can get in GCSE exams). These grades will be passed on to sixth form colleges that I apply to, so I'm confident I'll get in to a good one.

A girl in my class, Kacey, who's not the most academic student and didn't have any A or A* grades on her report, told me that she wished that she could be like me. This really touched me and I felt incredibly flattered. I told her that she could with some hard work and dedication and gave her a big, appreciative smile. I truly belive that given the right help, support, time and motivation she could.

On a side note, I removed the green nail varnish and as yellow is a more dominant colour in this shade of green than blue it's stained my nails a ghastly shade of yellow. I hid my fingers in shame today, fearful that others would accuse me of smoking. Eugh, smoking is one of the most revolting habits around. I even bought some sheer pastel pink nail varnish today just to neutralise the yellow in case the staining stays around for school.

Regina Spektor is probably my favourite singer ever and as of late I've been even more obsessed with her. I think she's going to end up persuading me to learn to play the piano and write my own songs. If you haven't heard her new song 'Laughing With' yet, listen now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rov3pV9PsRI It's just so beautiful. I'd rarely call a song beautiful, but everything by Regina is.