An epiphany of sorts

Well, not really. But for basically as long as I can remember (and I think my earliest memory is being in France at the age of 2) I always associated my mother with water. And I would want something and go through every option and realise that the only things it could be were my mother and water. However, I never knew which one it was. I could never separate them. My mother drinks a lot of water and I think this is partly why. But also, her astrological sign is Aquarius. Obviously this is just a big coincidence. Nonetheless, I find it quite interesting.

Well, today was... interesting.

The break time at least. But let's leave it at that.

Anyway, my mum's trying to persuade me to go to a community choir held at a local school. I don't think I will. I've been in a choir before and I hated the feeling of insignificance. It seemed to make no difference whether I actually sang or just mimed and I felt so conformist. But at times it was quite fun.

Hmm, I suppose that's it. Yes, I believe it is. But I won't apologise for this being very short and fairly shallow - I think I'm done with apologising unnecessarily.

Arsenic acceptance

Please note: I wrote this in September after the first course of injections for the HPV vaccine. I feel that it needed to be published, even though I wasn't daring enough to do so at the time.

The first course of HPV injections took place on Monday. It's supposed to prevent women contracting the two main types of the HPV virus that cause cervical cancer.

Let's review why I didn't have this vaccination:

• My mother and I are quite alternative (my dad less so). She's against quite a few vaccinations, so shortly after the initial courses of injections that every baby has, I stopped having them. I haven't had an injection (except anaesthetic in my gum) for probably about 14 years.
• This vaccination has only been tested for around five years. The Sims 3 was in devolpment for longer than that. If a game cannot be made perfect in five years and still has glitches, how can a vaccination?
• Most of the research and testing for this vaccination was paid for by the drug companies, so therefore could have been biased. Ultimately, those companies want to sell the drugs.
• Side-effects can be anything from mild flu-like symptoms to paralysis, incontinence, brain damage, seizures and death. And it's not a tiny minority either.
• 90% of HPV infections can be cleared by the body's own defences and most people will contract HPV at some point in their lifetime.
• Dr Christianne Northrup, a gynaecologist, supports the claim that a healthy, nutritious diet helping the immune system is a much better defence against HPV infections and cervical cancer than the vaccination.
• One in five women with cervical cancer tested negative for HPV infections. Surely this shows that there are other causes that also need to be investigated.
• I don't really want arsenic in my body. If I did, I'd ingest it myself.
• The vaccination is estimated to last around six to seven years. If I were to have it now, at age 15, it would last until I was around 22. Women can't have smear tests before the age of 25. If a woman was to get cervical cancer in the window where she was not protected, she wouldn't know. Then what happens when the vaccination runs out? Is the Government going to be able to provide booster injections for everyone.

So, those are my personal reasons. You may disagree, and that's absolutely fine. I just think everyone's accepted these injections far too easily. I'm the only person I know who did any independent research prior to deciding on whether to have the injection. It's like signing a contract before reading it, and in doing it you could be signing your life away.

Well, no one's died in my school which is very good. If anyone was going to die, they would have done by now so hopefully everyone's safe.

I'm not saying never. If conclusive evidence to show that this vaccination is absolutely safe and necessary is produced, go ahead and stick a needle in my arm. But if not, I remain resolute.

Oh, and no, I don't see myself having any sexual contact in the next year so if I change my mind about the injections by the time the next vaccinations come around, that's fine.

Crumbs

Today went terribly. I was supposed to meet two friends at 1.15 in town at a specific place for a carnival thing. I arrived at 1.35 because the bus was diverted and I then spent 45 minutes looking for them around town. In the end my mum made me come home and I missed the whole thing. I just hope my friends aren't annoyed.

Could things be working out, maybe?

I didn't do much today. First I ate BBQ beans and fried mashed potato and then my mum went to town and I basically just watched TV from then on. First I watched 'You Have Been Watching' which takes a cynical look at some of the TV of the week. That was amusing and made me want to watch the programme in which an elephant, a crocodile, a giraffe and a whale are dissected. Next I watched 'The TNT Show' which is puerile according to my dad, and I kind of agree, however it's still mildly enjoyable though a bit too scripted to allow any of the presenters' potential and latent charisma shine through.

After that was a programme about the world's oldest mothers who were impregnated via IVF. It does seem very wrong for a 70-year-old women to carry a baby and I think the upper age limit for IVF should be about 50 or perhaps 55 at a push. The concept of this does seem a bit strange to me as these women's eggs have been used up so they have to use donor eggs and that, of course, makes them not the biological mother at all. However, I'm not against adoption and it's a similar idea in that respect.

Finally, I watched a programme called 'Boob Job - My Big Decision' which followed two girls, one 17, one 13(!), who wanted breast implants and embarked on a journey which tried to put them off it. In the end it worked and it was very intriguing however some of the links that were made between wanting larger breasts and other factors in their life were a bit sketchy.

I'm supposed to be going bike-riding with Sam this weekend but I don't know what day or anything like that. But it sounds nice. I'm going to London from Monday to Wednesday which will, of course, be good. London's never disappointed me, hence the reason that I'm determined to live there from the age of 18.

In London, I want to go to a proper sushi restaurant. Not just Yo! Sushi. I'd love to go to Nobu, but I doubt they'd have many vegetarian options. Might see some celebrities in there, though.

Admiration

Today I heard my father on the radio and it made me really want to follow in his footsteps. He's a comedian and I've always thought that would be a great career to have. It's not always stable, but the feeling of amusing people is so rewarding that it doesn't matter.

I think I'd love to be so many things at once - actress, comedian, author, photographer and so many other things that I've considered. But they're the four main dreams. It's odd that none of them are particularly academic. Even so, I'll probably do a degree in some kind of science/psychology/philosophy at university if the whole RADA dream fails. Ultimately, I want to do both. I want to have an academic career and a creative career.

Hmm, I never imagined myself to be the kind of child saying 'When I grow up, I want to be just like my mummy/daddy'. Well, in some ways I do. I wouldn't want my mum's career (being a secretary seems a bit tedious) but I hope I've inherited her compassion and warm heart (and on a purely vain note, her young, relatively wrinkle-free skin). And I'd like my dad's comedy skills and that something about him that's hard to put my finger on but draws people in. Also, thankfully I think I have his fast metabolism. Both parents have plenty of charisma so I hope I've got that, too.