More a yardstone than a mile

Today I came to the realisation that in less than a month I'll be 16 and under two months from now I'll have finished all my GCSE exams for ever. But, as has been the case for around 5 years now, I'm not at all excited for my birthday because:

• It's going to be revision-filled. I have exams the next day and in the following weeks. There's really no time to celebrate.
• As usual, I plan to postpone my birthday. I haven't even received my main presents for my 15th birthday because I postponed it and then never really got back into the birthday mood.
• I don't really feel like having a party or anything of the sort. Of course, I want to spend time with friends and family to mark the occasion.
• Although 16 is considered quite a milestone birthday, I don't really have anything to look forward to. I just want to make this a fulfilling year of life.
• The idea of buying lottery tickets, sex and being able to drink one glass of beer or cider with a meal in a licensed pub accompanied by an adult does not excite me.

What a sensible (boring) and mature (disdainful) 16-year-old I'm going to be.

So, this is what my life has been reduced to

Today I had to refuse invitations both to the cinema with my mother and to town with two friends as I simply have too much work to do. Okay, I'm making progress (and so I should be considering that I've been working hard for at least 2 hours a day during this half term!) but I'm still not close to finishing. The consolation is that I've finished my Drama portfolio, but that took until Monday to do and the completed 'notes' as the examiners ridiculously call them span 15 pages in Microsoft Word (font - Arial, size 12) and total 5718 words. Now, still on my to-do list is:

• Finish the History coursework question. I've done every section except the last, so it'll just be that and the introduction which I can definitely finish this weekend. Although it's not a hugely difficult essay (and a mini-essay at that), I've tried to find as much relevant information as possible to put in so have been scouring the internet as well as my two text books and source sheet, so while writing it I've been very precise and have frequently tweaked it if when slightly unsatisfied.
• Get some more of the Statistics coursework done. Due to my preoccupation with the History coursework, I only really started typing this Statistics work up yesterday. I've basically finished all of the preliminary sections and can now start calculating (and then meticulously checking because one tiny mistake in Statistics can throw your whole investigation off balance) I think my Maths teacher is checking the work either at the end of the coming week or the beginning of the next, but the more I finish over half term, the smoother my return to school next week will be.
• Try to write more of my answers for the French and Spanish Oral booklets. My love of languages leads me to feel a little patronised by these resources, and I think my teachers see this. I understand that there are a wide range of topics that must be covered in modern languages, but I'm highly frustrated by the omnipresent 'Décrire ta maison' (describe your house) or 'Hablame de tus ratos libres' (talk to me about your free time) It's such a vacuous conversation that you end up having with the examiner and I don't think many people care about the fact that I've had the same purple curtains with stars and moons on since I was seven, or that usually I enjoy riding my bike because it's a healthy thing and I love being out in the open. I want to discuss issues that affect me, and the only current-affair topic is how to improve the environment which has very little weighting in the exam as it doesn't provide a huge opportunity to use the past, present, future or conditional tenses. However, fortunately A-level languages encourage and foster a far more mature speaking style which I've been yearning for ever since I first heard the 'What is your bedroom like?' question.
• Start revision properly for the final May/June exams. Argh, less than 3 months now until they begin!

So, as much as I wanted to partake in both of the aforementioned activities today, I simply couldn't. It's just been working and eating today. Oh, and a bath, of course.

I completely accept having to stay in all day working and revising because I constantly look ahead. I imagine myself on results day, crying with happiness for the first time in so long. For that moment, I won't care that I live where I do, or about cleanliness or the tangles in my hair, just the wonder of that moment. And then it's all worth it, for I have nothing to regret. When I work as hard as I possibly can on something, I know that I've done everything in my power to achieve the grades that I want.

Another reason that I was forced to resign myself to the house today is my plan for tomorrow. This was booked last year so of course I couldn't rearrange it, and thus had to compensate by working extra hard today. I'm going to see the Rocky Horror Show, so that should be interesting and camp enough for my liking. Of course, true to my nature, I'll be working in the morning and afternoon tomorrow because the show's in the evening.

In total, this half term has offered very little 'break' as it promised, but at least it signifies my nearing the end of secondary school life.

Odd/peculiar/strange - pick your adjective

I find it weird that I haven't tagged you in more than two posts, Sara, so here's your third (or t'ird, as the Irish would say!) Oh, and by the way, Sara, that smell that I mentioned wasn't following me; I think the tissue just smelt strange.

I do Valentine's Day ironically

Perhaps I'll spend it with Sam, my dear friend who just so happens to be a boy, doing fun non-romantic things like watching shopping channels and baking cakes or even playing the Ocarina on his iPhone. I've never had a romantic Valentine's Day and that's absolutely fine. I've actually never had a romantic day in my life, but again that's fine. That part of my life is in quite a happy, latent state.

Ploughing trhough with rigor

Well, by next Thursday afternoon exams will be over for now (but only for now). I probably digest more information than I do food on an average day, and that's a substantial amount because I do like to eat.

I've noticed that recently my dreams have been deeper, possibly having new meanings. A particular example of this was Wednesday night's dream - my first dream-falling experience. It could symbolise an overload of pressure or stress, but my life wouldn't be complete without either of those things I suppose.

Anyway, something else kind of coinciding with this is the fact that I don't seem to talk much to people anymore. Not that I don't physically talk much, but that I haven't expressed any particular feelings or emotions for a while. I have a lot to discuss, it's just I'm rarely in the right place to discuss it. Oh, and further identity crises ensue.

Hi Sara...

...if you're reading this. I hope you enjoy it :)

Sara's a very close friend of mine who I've known since the first day of Year 7, when we were 11. Every lesson with her is interesting and fun, though apparently when we sat next to each other in year seven I was quite the contrary - getting on with my work diligently and only looking up occasionally and nodding. Thankfully I contribute a bit more to our conversations now as I've learnt to multitask.

Anyway, Sara's constantly amusing, strongly willed (she tried to start up a business) yet laid-back in the right way at the same time. She manages to get everything done, yet rarely gets worried and takes things as they come. She's been a very good influence on me and I don't know what I'd do without her sitting next to me in Maths.

Sara's just a very entertaining and charismatic person without trying too hard to be and she's an amazing friend. I remember when we used to go to Nandos every week - that just came to mind so I thought I'd share it.

Have a good half term :)

Crumbs

Today went terribly. I was supposed to meet two friends at 1.15 in town at a specific place for a carnival thing. I arrived at 1.35 because the bus was diverted and I then spent 45 minutes looking for them around town. In the end my mum made me come home and I missed the whole thing. I just hope my friends aren't annoyed.

Apparently I'm 30

Tick all that apply...

[x] I know how to make a pot of coffee.
[x] I keep track of dates using a calender.
[ ] I own more than one credit card.
[ ] I know how to change the oil in my mum's car.
[ ] I do my own laundry.
[ ] I vote every election.
[ ] I can cook for myself.
[x] I think politics are exciting.
[ ] I balance my checkbook.
[ ] My parents have better things to say than my friends.
Total : 3

[x] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse.
[x] I've never gotten a detention.
[x] I have never smoked a cigarette.
[x] I have never gotten completely trashed.
[ ] I have forgotten my own birthday at least once.
[ ] I like to take walks by myself.
[x] I've watched talk shows.
[x] I know what 'credibility' means without looking it up.
[x] I drink coffee at least once a week.
Total : 10

[x] I know how to do the dishes.
[x] I can count to 10 in another language.
[x] When I say I'm going to do something, I do it.
[x] My parents trust me.
[ ] I can mow the lawn.
[x] I can make adults laugh without being stupid.
[x] I remember to water the plants.
[x] I study when I have to.
[x] I pay attention at school/college.
[x] I remember to feed my pets.
Total : 19

[x] I can spell 'experience' without looking it up.
[ ] I work out on a regular basis.
[x] I clean up my own mess.
[ ] The people at Starbucks know me by name.
[ ] My favorite kind of food is take out.
[ ] I have gained weight since middle/high school.
[ ] The first thing I do when I wake up is get caffeine.
[x] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need.
[x] I understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[x] I can type quickly.
Total : 24

[x] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour.
[ ] My only friends are from my place of employment.
[ ] I have been to a tupperware party.
[x] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] I have more bills than I can pay.
[ ] All my friends are older than I am.
[x] I can say no to staying out all night.
[x] I use the internet every day.
[x] My wardrobe hasn't changed in a while.
[x] I can read a book and actually finish it.
Total : 30

Add up all the ticks.
My real age is: 30

It does sound kind of right, actually. 30 seems like a good age. It's strange to think that I'm 15 and in 15 years I'll be 30.

In other news, Adie came round today. We walked around a local park and back at home ate pizza and looked up some funny things on the internet to do with Hannibal and Freddy Krueger. They're the kind of things that only a few people will understand. It was fun :)

I think tomorrow I'm going to a local event thing with two friends, Laura and Shannon.

Oh yes, on a nice note...

I spen the day at Sam's house. First we made chocolate cakes with icing and Smarties which first looked lik poo as Sam said but turned out very nice. Hence, we ate 7 each :)

After that we went bike-riding through a local park but the whole venture lasted about 10 minutes as that was all it took to ride through the park and back. After that we watched some really random channels that he gets because of Sky including numerous religious channels, virtual horse riding and Cowboy Dan teaching good manners and persuading children that 'cowboys don't need guns to have fun'. we also watched various JML shopping channels which provided entertainment that no one would have forecast.

All in all, it's been a nice day. Seeing both Hershi and Sam in one week has been great :D

A day with Hershi

It was really nice :) Fun, and rather interesting, too. She came round and we ate pizza and various other things. That was when we weren't doing quizzes on the internet. I've learned that I'm incredibly neuro-typical. Me and Hershi almost always had opposite answers which was very intriguing. Hershi also filmed one of my cats, Driss Fatih (the fat, deaf one), licking some cream out of a tub and then cleaning herself. It was very amusing because she has a fat face and the cream tub was long and thin so she ended up coating the floor and herself in the substance. She was definitely the cat that got the cream after that!

Also, another proverb occurred when my other cat, Mitty (the lean, normal but slightly aggressive and incredibly fussy and fickle), went inside my Primark bag but then went out, so the cat was let out of the bag.

I think reading Post Secret and listening to Regina Spektor go incredibly well together.

If I was ever going to use the title 'Breaking Free' for a blog post, it would be now

For the majority of my life, most people around me have thought of me as a goody-two-shoes, sensible, mature, intelligent person. Those who got to know me better discovered that I could also be very silly and daft, and quite funny, too. My closest relatives and friends know I'm not always the reserved individual adhering tenaciously to all rules and regulations.

Honestly, in the past year I've tried to show my rebellious side a bit more when appropriate. I worry that if I always obey every rule my life will turn out fairly boring. Marilyn Monroe did say 'Well behaved women rarely make history'. That's true. One doesn't have to be a criminal, just a little devious from time to time. Stray from the norm, experiment and take risks along the way.

I've done a few things that some would consider 'bad' in my time, such as:

• Every time I went to town with Sam when we were about 11/12, we had pretend coughing fits at smokers
• I posted a crisp packet through a letter box because I saw something similar on the Peep Show

Well, there's plenty of time to break the rules (within reason) in the future :)

:O What a coincidence?! That 'Bad to the bone' song just came on!

Hershi :)

A girl I know. A rather fantastic one, actually. The odd thing is that in many ways we're complete opposites.

Okay, we do have some similarities, such as:

• We both really, REALLY love cats
• We love photography almost as much as that
• We're both quite intelligent
• We both do stupid things from time to time
• We're both extremely clumsy
• We both like Little Boots
• We both love to dance to weird techno dance music

But in many other ways we're incredibly different:

• Me - extrovert, Hershi - introvert
• Me - loves change and variety in days, Hershi - hates disruption of routine
• Me - very good at reading people, Hershi - finds this difficult
• Me - has basically lived in skinny jeans out of school for the past year, Hershi - doesn't like jeans
• Me - very private person, Hershi - more willing to talk openly about things
• Me - loves spiders, Hershi - scared of them
• Me - likes alternative music (e.g. Regina Spektor), Hershi - likes a lot of heavy metal
• Me - likes loud atmospheres such as concerts and parties, Hershi - doesn't so much
• Me - never really in a state of 'hyperness', just happiness, Hershi - gets hyper a lot
• Me - loves all bright colours, doesn't wear much black at all, Hershi - wears mostly black with bits of red and dark purple
  

Struggling to gather the words

This is me messing with people's neurons ;)

Lots happened today, namely shopping in town for a friend's birthday. It was fun, but it's not what I want to talk about now as I have something deeper that I have to get from my brain to my fingers to text.

Yesterday in school we received our reports with all our grades on. I was pleased with mine as it consisted completely of A and A* grades (A* is the highest grade you can get in GCSE exams). These grades will be passed on to sixth form colleges that I apply to, so I'm confident I'll get in to a good one.

A girl in my class, Kacey, who's not the most academic student and didn't have any A or A* grades on her report, told me that she wished that she could be like me. This really touched me and I felt incredibly flattered. I told her that she could with some hard work and dedication and gave her a big, appreciative smile. I truly belive that given the right help, support, time and motivation she could.

On a side note, I removed the green nail varnish and as yellow is a more dominant colour in this shade of green than blue it's stained my nails a ghastly shade of yellow. I hid my fingers in shame today, fearful that others would accuse me of smoking. Eugh, smoking is one of the most revolting habits around. I even bought some sheer pastel pink nail varnish today just to neutralise the yellow in case the staining stays around for school.

Regina Spektor is probably my favourite singer ever and as of late I've been even more obsessed with her. I think she's going to end up persuading me to learn to play the piano and write my own songs. If you haven't heard her new song 'Laughing With' yet, listen now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rov3pV9PsRI It's just so beautiful. I'd rarely call a song beautiful, but everything by Regina is.