Sometimes, I should appreciate myself

I must say, I do like my own determination. I've made some ambitious claims and goals in the past 6 months, many of which have not left my house... yet. I am going to do everything that I want, in time. Money and competition will always be obstacles, but as long as it's not my own self stopping my achieving, I can do it.

Ploughing trhough with rigor

Well, by next Thursday afternoon exams will be over for now (but only for now). I probably digest more information than I do food on an average day, and that's a substantial amount because I do like to eat.

I've noticed that recently my dreams have been deeper, possibly having new meanings. A particular example of this was Wednesday night's dream - my first dream-falling experience. It could symbolise an overload of pressure or stress, but my life wouldn't be complete without either of those things I suppose.

Anyway, something else kind of coinciding with this is the fact that I don't seem to talk much to people anymore. Not that I don't physically talk much, but that I haven't expressed any particular feelings or emotions for a while. I have a lot to discuss, it's just I'm rarely in the right place to discuss it. Oh, and further identity crises ensue.

RADA

I've been searching for my true identity for my entire adolescence, but I now realise that it's been here all along. My dream is my identity.

I remember watching Blue Peter when I was about 11 (which was strange because I hardly ever watched it) and seeing one of the presenters visit RADA, the most prestigious and reputable drama school in the country. It seemed simply amazing - a highly exclusive group of promising young actors given the best acting advice anyone could receive. From that moment I had the recurrent vision of myself in that university training for the BA in acting, living out my dream.

I've never given up on that dream. No matter how convential it sounds, I've always wanted to be an actress and drama has been my only solace at times. A bad day, bad week or even a bad year can be remedied by stepping out of your own shoes and into those of another person's - anyone,
anywhere. I can be anything, do anything, in front of an audience that are all watching me, and at the end I might get a fraction of the applause.

Two years from now I'll be applying for universities and I'm quite positive that RADA will be at the top of my list of choices. Maybe it's not a realistic choice, and admittedly dreams of being an actress could be just that - dreams, but it's good to aim high. Consider this: in the conception of a baby, no one considers how slim the chances of the egg being fertilised by the sperm are. Whether someone wants a baby or not, they always think about the prospect of conceptionnd new life. So why should I focus on not getting in to RADA when I may very well have the potential?