Things that have changed since the last post:

• I've started sixth-form college properly
• I've changed from A-Levels to the IB
• I've eaten sushi recently
• I've seen Swan Lake
• I've tried a cheese layered salad - and enjoyed it
• I've become ill for the first time in five months (that must be a record!)
• I've made vanilla and Nutella cupcakes
• I've been walking 15-20 minutes, not 2 minutes, to school
• I've talked to boys(!)
• I've missed my secondary school in ways I never imagined I would
• I've discovered the Starbucks five minutes away from school (thanks, Sara!)
• I've seen 'Sweet Lovers' Plums' - and plan to buy some
• I've completed a practical in Chemistry without screaming/jumping/standing a metre away from the bunsen burner
• I've seen the boy at school who wears a suit everyday
• I've introduced myself to dozens of different people
• I've developed a penchant for the Drench drinks sold at school
• I haven't stopped calling my 'college' a school - if I'm learning, it's a school!

Reflection

I feel that this blog lacks direction. It's about my life - but there are many elements of my life that could come into it. The posts are sporadic, and many don't even reach the blog itself, instead left unfinished. Notice the length of my last few posts. None of them have even one substantial paragraph.

I still love writing; if anything, I enjoy it far more than when I started blogging. And this blog has certainly benefited me in various ways. I've learnt how to structure blog posts, devise attention-grabbing titles, sustain a project etc. But I just don't believe that it's completely, well, me any more.

I'm not saying this is the end at all, but rather a new beginning. As cheesy as that sounds, it's true. I'll continue to post here. Random thoughts, observations and questioning will be here. This is an important thing, this blog. It's tracked me through some very important times and I'll never lose that.

So, about this so-called 'new beginning'. I'm thinking about starting a new blog focused on a specific area that I'm passionate about and have a vested interest in. I have a few options, so it's just a matter of choosing something that I can maintain. For example, as much as I enjoy musical theatre, I just don't visit the West End often enough to blog about musicals on a regular basis. Besides, it would probably end up being dedicated to Avenue Q and Hair!

In summary, don't say bye (or un-follow!) yet. More is to come, believe me. I just need a bit of time to think. Things are changing enough as it is, so life is a bit hazy at the moment.

More Formspring questions

Where's your favorite place to buy clothes?

Well, as you'll know if you read my recent post regarding this matter, I really don't know because I haven't bought clothes for such a long time. At the moment, I'm browsing all the usual places online: Topshop, A-Wear, Zara, River Island etc. but I hate the idea of having a wardrobe composed entirely of pieces that are owned by hundreds of other people. Consequently, I'll be looking in some vintage/retro shops for quirkier, more unique items.

What did you eat for breakfast today?

I didn't have breakfast because I got up at around 11 (I was awake long before this, though)

If you could be on one TV show which one would it be?

Hmmm... I think it would be fun to be interviewed, so any show like that would be interesting. But I'd really enjoy being in a TV show which involved a lot of acting - proper acting; something gritty and challenging.

If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be?

Evil. I'm not talking about the religious kind, but the type that the world is full of today: murder, war, animal cruelty, rape, abuse, discrimination etc.

What's the worst show on TV?

Sports or soap operas.

If you had to cook dinner for someone tonight, what would you make?

I have very little experience making actual meals, but I'm fine with cakes, so I'd probably just make a really big chocolate cake. Oh, and the lemon drizzle one that my mother and I made for my granddad's 75th birthday was good, too.

If you could go on vacation for the next month with an unlimited budget, where would you go?

I'd probably spend the whole time in various parts of France (and maybe Belgium) to improve my French. I think that one of the best things you can do to become confident in a foreign language is to completely immerse yourself in it, and there's no way you can do that in England.

Randomly generated questions from Formspring

What's the best place near you to get a pizza?

Well, it's not that near (more than 10 minutes away), but Pizza Express is always a good one.

Who's the most talented person you know?

I don't know if I could pick just one person, but I know so many people who are amazing at art (including my two followers) and quite a few who are very musically talented. But, in terms of an all-rounder, I'd probably say Lucy.

If you had to give up one favorite food, what would the most difficult?

Sushi would be sorely missed, but I could probably just about survive. Also, although I don't love crisps as much as I used to, I pretty much eat them on a daily basis so I think it would be difficult without them, especially when I just laze about the house all day and want a mid-afternoon snack.

Who's the smartest person you know?

Again, I know so many clever people (including my two followers), so I couldn't pick just one.

What's the longest you've ever gone without a bath or shower?

I probably managed for a few days without one when I was younger, but now I couldn't bare to go for more than 24 hours without a bath or shower.

How would you describe your personality?

Wow, this is broad. Okay, some words that I would use: reserved, fairly introverted, light-hearted, funny, dedicated, persevering, passionate, argumentative, cynical, somewhat pedantic, kind, empathetic etc.

Would you rather swim in a pool or the ocean?

I love the freedom and tranquillity of swimming in the ocean, but at the same time there are obvious dangers as you have to go quite far from the shore for a decent swimming depth. Also, whenever I feel something on my feet I always think that it's a jellyfish so I end up screaming hysterically. I'm a worrier, so in general I'd rather swim in a pool.

What's your favorite genre of music?

I'm going to be really awkward and say I really have no idea. I couldn't choose just one genre - it depends on the song.

What are you most excited about right now?

I'm trying to get excited about summer and the various things I have coming up; I don't know whether I should be excited about GCSE results day because I have no idea how I performed in my exams; I'm quite excited about starting at sixth-form and I think that excitement will grow if I've achieved my predicted grades in my GCSEs.

What was your worst travel experience?

Well, initially it was quite awful when our flight back from Barcelona got cancelled during our school trip, but we were only delayed for one day and got to stay in a four star hotel so it worked out fine. But aside from that I haven't experience much travel drama, though I do hate travel sickness during long car journeys.

What was the most interesting place you've traveled to?

I think Dublin, Paris and Brussels are my favourites. Barcelona would be one there but I haven't really seen enough of its cultural side to judge, and the heat just puts me off.

Do you believe in angels?

I don't think so. It's a sentimental thought that must be reassuring for some, but I'm not sure about the afterlife yet.

When was the last time you received flowers?

Never!

Where'd you find out about formspring.me?

That website that I've just been complaining about: Tumblr.

If you won a million dollars what would you do with it?

Give some to my family friends, pay for any treatments that Lucy needs to have privately, buy a large house in London, furnish and decorate it, donate generously to charities, save plenty for university, maybe buy a few things for myself with any left over.

If you could be invited to one person's birthday party, whose would it be?

I'm not sure... I've seen on Perez Hilton that Katy Perry has really extravagant birthday parties, so maybe her's.

What video game have you played the most?

The Sims 2 and 3, without doubt. But I've spent many an hour on Super Mario games, too.

What music are you listening to today?

Regina Spektor, of course :) Oh, and I just listened to this song as well. Interesting.

If you could instantly become an expert at one style of dance, what style would you pick?

I think I'd have to pick the classic, ballet. It's a good basis to learn other types of dances as well.

Cats or Dogs?

Cats! But dogs are also lovely, it's just that cats are extra special to me.

If you could only read one magazine for the rest of your life, which would it be?

A French science magazine would be ideal, I suppose. But I do love the intellectual newspaper supplements; I think 'New Review' is my favourite. It makes great bath time reading.

Do you believe in life after death?

Oh, that's odd as I touched on this in the question about angels. I really don't know at the moment, but, on a purely scientific basis, probably not.

If you could master one skill what would it be?

Well, obviously I want to become fluent in French one day, and since I know quite a bit of Spanish I want to speak that fluently, too. I'd like to master many languages. I don't know if it's possible to master other academic subjects like the sciences and Maths, but I want to become as good as I can in all subjects. Aside from that, maybe a musical instrument like the piano.

Who's the most underrated athlete?

Me. I walk up and down the stairs numerous times each day, for the past five years I've been making daily two-minute trips to and from school, and once there I also have to walk metres between classes. It's amazing I don't collapse with exhaustion!

What's your favorite drink?

Water is the ultimate one, but I also enjoy green tea, coconut water, chocolate milk, black coffee, iced coffee drinks and miso soup (if that counts)

What was the worst movie you've ever seen?

Oooh, I have a selection: 'Marley and Me', 'Alice in Wonderland' and 'Twilight' to name but a few.

Who's the most overrated actor?

Probably Megan Fox because I don't think she actually does a lot of acting and is mainly admired for her physical beauty.

If you could go back in time 10 years and tell your younger self something, what would it be?

It's going to get a lot better, then a little worse, then a lot better again, then so much worse, then considerably better, then it will deteriorate, then things will be a bit unstable for a while but one day in more than 10 years you might just smile and never do anything to stop yourself doing so.

What would be the best thing about being a vampire?

SPARKLING! No, noooooo. That's one of the camp-est things I've ever heard. Erm, maybe if you really love life it's good that you can live forever... ?

How would you describe yourself in 3 words?

Fluctuating, incredibly determined.

Who and when was your first kiss?

It hasn't happened.

What's your earliest memory?

Being in Paris aged two. I vividly remember visiting Disneyland and buying two toy Eiffel Towers: a blue one for me and a yellow one for my cousin who was born just as we returned to England.

What one thing are you exceptionally bad at?

Glaring - my eyebrows just won't stay down!

If you could instantly become fluent in another language, which language would you pick?

I'll pick something that I have no experience in, so I can't choose French or Spanish. Probably Japanese.

How would you describe your style?

As yet, un-established, but it will probably be quite eclectic and bright.

Do you believe in God?

No, but I could be swayed by scientific evidence (which kind of defeats the whole point of 'faith')

What would your perfect day look like?

Wake up in a luxury hotel in London with no worries, get ready, eat a French breakfast, visit some museums and art galleries with friends, have lunch at a Japanese restaurant, go shopping, stop for coffee/frozen yoghurt, see Avenue Q, have dinner at a vegetarian restaurant, meander around London, see the men peeing in the outdoor urinals, pass by the club that claims to have 'over 100 international nude dancers', return to said hotel, get ready and sleep.

If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so you never had to do it again, what would it be?

Going to the toilet - it would just save a bit of time each day, and it's not the most pleasant thing, is it?

If you could ask Barack Obama one question what would it be?

Why did you kill that fly during an interview? I know it was annoying you, but could you not just open a window? Doesn't the White House have windows? Oops, that was three.

What do you think is the best way to defeat terrorism?

Perhaps the US could try to establish better relations with some of the Middle Eastern countries first. After that, we'll go from there.

I'm not cool. I already knew this.

Okay, allow me to explain the back-story. I've been experimenting with Tumblr over the past few days because it's invaded my life over the past year or so. I see the point of it - a 'hip, trendy, cool' site; a younger, more glamorous version of Blogspot, perhaps. And, oh, how I've tried to like it. I really, really have.

I set up two different Tumblr sites, one of which has nothing at all posted on it because I simply didn't get that far. Yes, I like the idea of reblogging and the 'like' button certainly makes it to praise others, but I when it comes to blogging I think I'm a traditional kind of person. A site like this will always appeal to me - one standard post format accommodating text, images and videos. If you want a quote, you type it in and format it yourself. Granted, it may not have the striped background for quotes that Tumblr boasts, but it's functional and I can manipulate it in whichever way I please.

Furthermore, to me it seems that Tumblr is only fun once you have a few followers and people start reblogging you. Although it would be nice to have a few more followers on this blog, I don't really feel like I need it because 'Green nails and pink hands' is a personal expression. Plus, I have two great friends reading it so my audience is somewhat established. With Tumblr I feel like I'd be constantly reblogging photos of indulgent cupcakes and thin, beautiful people wearing effortlessly fashionable outfits. Lovely, but nothing very individual or representative of me in particular. If I want to see that kind of content, I have some go-to Tumblrs, namely haylecakes.

So, in short, thanks a lot, Tumblr for making me realise how uncool and traditional I happen to be when it comes to blogging (among other things). You don't need me with your hoards of users. Have a nice internet life; I'll be here after your popularity fades away like a nauseatingly overused slide transition on Powerpoint.

I've grown to resent a certain social networking site

I've never been addicted, but I used to visit it on an hourly basis at home out of boredom or convenience. Well, over the Christmas Holidays I inadvertently gave it up and it was one of the happiest times in the past year. And, no, it had nothing to do with the fact that it was Christmas.

Perhaps I'll just stick with it as it's not a constant bother, but the end may very well be nigh.

Excuses

I know I'm quite biased when it comes to Drama, but I've never really understood how people can blame their reluctance to act on shyness.

I understand that it can be difficult to overcome timid, reserved, quiet nature (been there, done that, but it's a good thing to do). However, many actors are shy people, not necessarily incredibly sociable or extroverted, but still they're amazing because acting is faking it. Yes, there are technical elements and it is one of the most beautiful arts of all, but ultimately a good actor is a good liar with the uncanny ability to get inside absolutely any character's head and fully embody that persona. An enjoyable challenge.

After all, many aspects of life are false, particularly beauty. Nails, hair, tan, makeup - it's all one grand façade. So perhaps, deep down, everyone's a bit of a Thespian.

I do Valentine's Day ironically

Perhaps I'll spend it with Sam, my dear friend who just so happens to be a boy, doing fun non-romantic things like watching shopping channels and baking cakes or even playing the Ocarina on his iPhone. I've never had a romantic Valentine's Day and that's absolutely fine. I've actually never had a romantic day in my life, but again that's fine. That part of my life is in quite a happy, latent state.

If we were perpetual...

Then I'd tell you everything, literally everything, that I love about London. Well, we're not so I'll try to shorten that a bit, but anyway:

• As soon as you get off the train, you immediately feel part of something bigger and better than yourself, like your future
• You're never stuck for food - if you want chips and green tea at the same time, you can have it
• Everyone's busy, constantly occupied, and that's how I like it
• It has nearly every kind of establishment and attraction - shop, restaurant, museum, musical, play, art gallery, etc. Oh, and all the non-cultural things too, I suppose
• It's for practically every type of person - it can cater to everyone
• It has the only MAC Pro shop in the country - yeah, that's still important, even to a non-makeup-wearing person like me
• There are probably more coffee shops than toilets, but that could be a problem as coffee is a diaretic... oh well!
• It's the capital of everything (maybe not everything in the world, but a lot revolves around it)
• It can be expensive, but it's completely worth it
• You can just spend all day travelling around the various districts
• Soho - camp (which is a bad thing), very seedy but with many sushi restaurants and an amazing frozen yoghurt place -Snog
• There are loads of Japanese supermarkets and shops - it's hardly a surprise that most of the money that I spend goes on food, is it?
• It has strange but occasionally fascinating things like the fourth plinth exhibition
• You can find every personality, nationality, language, race and culture there
• It's wonderful to be there whether you're with, parents, friends, grandparents etc. Just don't go with school - it kind of ruins the London experience
• It moulded me -oh, where would I be without London? I'd have hated to not have had at least some time somewhere lovely before begrudgingly moving to this place

I could go on, but let's leave it there, shall we?

Affiliation, or rather, fascination

When encapsulated in a world of logic, I occasionally become obsessed with the more whimsical aspects of life, for example, glitter, glow sticks and balloons. I've harboured this fascination for a few months now, but the problem is that there's never an occasion for it.

Multicultural

I sound typically British.

Legally, I'm technically Irish.

Some people think I'm secretly French.

Ploughing trhough with rigor

Well, by next Thursday afternoon exams will be over for now (but only for now). I probably digest more information than I do food on an average day, and that's a substantial amount because I do like to eat.

I've noticed that recently my dreams have been deeper, possibly having new meanings. A particular example of this was Wednesday night's dream - my first dream-falling experience. It could symbolise an overload of pressure or stress, but my life wouldn't be complete without either of those things I suppose.

Anyway, something else kind of coinciding with this is the fact that I don't seem to talk much to people anymore. Not that I don't physically talk much, but that I haven't expressed any particular feelings or emotions for a while. I have a lot to discuss, it's just I'm rarely in the right place to discuss it. Oh, and further identity crises ensue.

If I may reflect...

2009. An eventful year (isn't it always?), at least in my private yet ever expanding world. Though it's never been quite as terrible as I thought at the time, it's a wonderful relief to look back on some of the things I've done this year and think, well at least that's over. For example, half of my Science GCSEs, half of my Maths GCSE, part of my English Language and Literature GCSEs, 30% of my Drama GCSE, a quarter of my Spanish and French GCSEs, a bit of my History GCSE and, oh, a large amount of that preposterous ICT qualification that neither I nor my fellow academic peers agreed to.

Well, anyway, I suppose I'll wish readers a pleasant, prosperous and ultimately happy New Year (and I hope it's good when the year's old, too).

I've never really made resolutions (though at the age of 10 I did become rather enamoured with growing a giant vegetable that year - one day), however I have some goals:

• Achieve the best grades that I possibly can in my GCSEs
• Start giving more money to animal charities on a regular basis
  
• Learn to play a musical instrument, maybe
• Master French and Spanish so I'm fluent
• Learn a new language - choices: Italian, German, Irish, Russian, Mandarin Chinese, Japanese, Portuguese
• Start going clothes shopping again - I love clothes and fashion, but I can never bring myself to buy anything and only want to look
• Audition for a proper play/musical and maybe the National Youth Theatre, not just amateur youth theatre clubs
• Go to see Avenue Q again, hopefully twice
• Go to Harrods (and Harvey Nichols again, maybe)
• Write an article for a newspaper and send it in
• Start a few art projects that have been in my head for a while
• Reach the tenth generation on The Sims 3 (I'm on the fifth now which is huge for me)
  
• Go to a house party
• Actually buy some makeup, particularly from MAC, instead of just gazing longingly (this relates back to the clothes thing)
• Spend some of the money I have saved up - not a lot, but it's just sitting there growing and never gets to have fun
• Get my hair cut into a completely new style (I think two and a half years is a bit ridiculous)
• See some really good films at the cinema
• Start reading fashion magazines in French
• Expand my music tastes (of course, never forgetting Regina Spektor, but I know there's a lot out there that I sometimes miss out on a lot)
• Read more fiction (I can't help my love of Science textbooks and French grammar books!)
• Dress up whenever I feel like it, oh, and go to a costume party
• Do more photography
• Submit some of my photography to, er... somewhere important!

So, I'm fairly ambitious. But hopefully in the summer holidays when GCSEs are finished I'll have some time to do at least a few of these things. So, I hope your tonight's good!

I wouldn't say life is 'good', but browsing Jedward websites, looking at pictures of delicious food and listening to Regina Spektor is fun

And that's a quintessential part of me, right there

It's bad to wander aimlessly in life

Well, it used to be, but not anymore. My future, so to speak, technically started when I picked my GCSE options about a year and a half ago. At that point, I told myself that I was going to do well in whatever I did because I was determined to do so. I'd revise for everything and only be happy when I was achieving my very best. Something that's very important to understand is for success that at GCSE level and above, it takes more than natural aptitude - it takes a lot of hard work.

However, now I really need to choose my life paths and decide on A-level and university options. Some of my ideal jobs (in no particular order) are:
* Biologist of some sort, perhaps researching genetics, evolution or animal biology
* Something to do with medicine. Doctor is the obvious job, but there are so many options to explore
* Intepreter, translater or anything to do with languages
* Psychologist - this is one that I'm really not sure about but I do love analysing others
* Journalist - I enjoy writing, interviewing people and reporting so it seems good
* Presenter - I took a career aptitude test and this came up as my number one option. It does sound like an amazing job, but difficult to get into
* Director/Film maker/Script writer - what can I say? It just feels natural to me
* A writer of any other kind, I suppose
* Photographer/Artist - it would be very abstract art and would channel my condemnation for school art which seems to consist of copying other artists' work or still-life drawing. Where's the creativity?
* And of course, the longest surving dream... An actress! At times drama feels like the only thing I have to look forward to anymore and it's been a passion of mine for about five years now

Of course, I'll most likely take a very academic route. I'll decide on something, I'm sure :)

Hair

My hair. I'm sure no one cares much about my hair, but it has an interesting history.

I haven't had my hair cut since July 2007 but once I went four years without having it cut. I know this is weird, but my hair is in very good condition despite the lack of cutting. No split ends no dryness. I think this is because I never use heat on it. Ever. I let it air dry, brush it and I'm done. I love the feeling of walking out into the cold with freshly washed, slightly damp hair. And, no, it doesn't make me ill.

I wash my hair every day because I just don't feel right if I haven't. I don't know why, and obviously everyone's comfortable with different amounts of hair washing, but that's just me. As my hair is over half way down my back it takes a long time to brush on my own. My mum used to do it for me but one day my dad had to as she was ill and he really enjoyed it so we've made it a daily thing. He's surprisingly good at it and very patient with the tangles.

Some may consider a whole post dedicated to my hair superficial, but we've been through a lot together. It's seen the two most eventful, manic years of my life so far. But it's missed Lucy. A lot of Lucy. I have this vision of me just getting a drastic haircut at the end of my GCSEs to symbolise a new phase of life, leaving everything else behind. That hair will hold my problems and as it'll be gone, hopefully I can leave those problems behind too.

If I was ever going to use the title 'Breaking Free' for a blog post, it would be now

For the majority of my life, most people around me have thought of me as a goody-two-shoes, sensible, mature, intelligent person. Those who got to know me better discovered that I could also be very silly and daft, and quite funny, too. My closest relatives and friends know I'm not always the reserved individual adhering tenaciously to all rules and regulations.

Honestly, in the past year I've tried to show my rebellious side a bit more when appropriate. I worry that if I always obey every rule my life will turn out fairly boring. Marilyn Monroe did say 'Well behaved women rarely make history'. That's true. One doesn't have to be a criminal, just a little devious from time to time. Stray from the norm, experiment and take risks along the way.

I've done a few things that some would consider 'bad' in my time, such as:

• Every time I went to town with Sam when we were about 11/12, we had pretend coughing fits at smokers
• I posted a crisp packet through a letter box because I saw something similar on the Peep Show

Well, there's plenty of time to break the rules (within reason) in the future :)

:O What a coincidence?! That 'Bad to the bone' song just came on!