More a yardstone than a mile

Today I came to the realisation that in less than a month I'll be 16 and under two months from now I'll have finished all my GCSE exams for ever. But, as has been the case for around 5 years now, I'm not at all excited for my birthday because:

• It's going to be revision-filled. I have exams the next day and in the following weeks. There's really no time to celebrate.
• As usual, I plan to postpone my birthday. I haven't even received my main presents for my 15th birthday because I postponed it and then never really got back into the birthday mood.
• I don't really feel like having a party or anything of the sort. Of course, I want to spend time with friends and family to mark the occasion.
• Although 16 is considered quite a milestone birthday, I don't really have anything to look forward to. I just want to make this a fulfilling year of life.
• The idea of buying lottery tickets, sex and being able to drink one glass of beer or cider with a meal in a licensed pub accompanied by an adult does not excite me.

What a sensible (boring) and mature (disdainful) 16-year-old I'm going to be.

A conversation with my father a few years ago

Father: Hmm, well I think you're a good singer.

Abby: You've never heard me sing.

Father: I went to that choir show you were in.

Abby: Okay, then. *sarcastic look*


But he's not the only one who's complimented my singing abilities (regardless of the fact that he's only ever heard me sing properly in a choir of 40-something people). My grandmother told me that when I was younger I was great singer and of course my mother and I stared at her in disbelief. Checking that she wasn't simply being senile, we asked 'Are you sure you don't mean Freja?' (Freja's my cousin who definitely can sing well), but she insisted that at one point in my life I was a good singer. Hmm, I'd dubious about that.

So, this is what my life has been reduced to

Today I had to refuse invitations both to the cinema with my mother and to town with two friends as I simply have too much work to do. Okay, I'm making progress (and so I should be considering that I've been working hard for at least 2 hours a day during this half term!) but I'm still not close to finishing. The consolation is that I've finished my Drama portfolio, but that took until Monday to do and the completed 'notes' as the examiners ridiculously call them span 15 pages in Microsoft Word (font - Arial, size 12) and total 5718 words. Now, still on my to-do list is:

• Finish the History coursework question. I've done every section except the last, so it'll just be that and the introduction which I can definitely finish this weekend. Although it's not a hugely difficult essay (and a mini-essay at that), I've tried to find as much relevant information as possible to put in so have been scouring the internet as well as my two text books and source sheet, so while writing it I've been very precise and have frequently tweaked it if when slightly unsatisfied.
• Get some more of the Statistics coursework done. Due to my preoccupation with the History coursework, I only really started typing this Statistics work up yesterday. I've basically finished all of the preliminary sections and can now start calculating (and then meticulously checking because one tiny mistake in Statistics can throw your whole investigation off balance) I think my Maths teacher is checking the work either at the end of the coming week or the beginning of the next, but the more I finish over half term, the smoother my return to school next week will be.
• Try to write more of my answers for the French and Spanish Oral booklets. My love of languages leads me to feel a little patronised by these resources, and I think my teachers see this. I understand that there are a wide range of topics that must be covered in modern languages, but I'm highly frustrated by the omnipresent 'Décrire ta maison' (describe your house) or 'Hablame de tus ratos libres' (talk to me about your free time) It's such a vacuous conversation that you end up having with the examiner and I don't think many people care about the fact that I've had the same purple curtains with stars and moons on since I was seven, or that usually I enjoy riding my bike because it's a healthy thing and I love being out in the open. I want to discuss issues that affect me, and the only current-affair topic is how to improve the environment which has very little weighting in the exam as it doesn't provide a huge opportunity to use the past, present, future or conditional tenses. However, fortunately A-level languages encourage and foster a far more mature speaking style which I've been yearning for ever since I first heard the 'What is your bedroom like?' question.
• Start revision properly for the final May/June exams. Argh, less than 3 months now until they begin!

So, as much as I wanted to partake in both of the aforementioned activities today, I simply couldn't. It's just been working and eating today. Oh, and a bath, of course.

I completely accept having to stay in all day working and revising because I constantly look ahead. I imagine myself on results day, crying with happiness for the first time in so long. For that moment, I won't care that I live where I do, or about cleanliness or the tangles in my hair, just the wonder of that moment. And then it's all worth it, for I have nothing to regret. When I work as hard as I possibly can on something, I know that I've done everything in my power to achieve the grades that I want.

Another reason that I was forced to resign myself to the house today is my plan for tomorrow. This was booked last year so of course I couldn't rearrange it, and thus had to compensate by working extra hard today. I'm going to see the Rocky Horror Show, so that should be interesting and camp enough for my liking. Of course, true to my nature, I'll be working in the morning and afternoon tomorrow because the show's in the evening.

In total, this half term has offered very little 'break' as it promised, but at least it signifies my nearing the end of secondary school life.

Surprise surprise

London was great. Really great. I've eaten so much Japanese food over the past few days that I can't handle anymore for now, but I loved it.

I'll probably go into much more detail soon about the other, non-food, activites, but overall it was a very good holiday. Most of my family holidays are to European cities. It's just easier as it's only me and my parents, we don't have a car and all love culture, food etc. so it makes sense to go to places like London, Paris, Brussels, Dublin et al.

If I was ever going to use the title 'Breaking Free' for a blog post, it would be now

For the majority of my life, most people around me have thought of me as a goody-two-shoes, sensible, mature, intelligent person. Those who got to know me better discovered that I could also be very silly and daft, and quite funny, too. My closest relatives and friends know I'm not always the reserved individual adhering tenaciously to all rules and regulations.

Honestly, in the past year I've tried to show my rebellious side a bit more when appropriate. I worry that if I always obey every rule my life will turn out fairly boring. Marilyn Monroe did say 'Well behaved women rarely make history'. That's true. One doesn't have to be a criminal, just a little devious from time to time. Stray from the norm, experiment and take risks along the way.

I've done a few things that some would consider 'bad' in my time, such as:

• Every time I went to town with Sam when we were about 11/12, we had pretend coughing fits at smokers
• I posted a crisp packet through a letter box because I saw something similar on the Peep Show

Well, there's plenty of time to break the rules (within reason) in the future :)

:O What a coincidence?! That 'Bad to the bone' song just came on!