Du vin or not du vin

Just a forewarning; this post doesn't actually centre around or even involve any type of alcohol at all. In fact, the title is completely unrelated.

I've reached the sudden and final conclusion that I'd be a terrible housewife. Granted, I could keep up appearances, meticulously preening myself before my my seemingly perfect, 'Honey, I'm home!' husband returned. I might even manage to suppress my feminism and succumb to living under that male-chauvinist ideology.

However, that's where any housewife potential comes to an abrupt end, for the simple reason that I don't (and won't) do housework. I'm perfectly capable of vacuuming, but the smell created by the hurricane of dust is unpleasant. The idea of washing plates that have held other people's food causes me to retch and flee the kitchen in disgust. And as for scrubbing the floors, I'd rather lick the radiator (which I once did to disprove my germaphobe reputation).

All hope is not lost, though, as I'm a good cake baker and due to my alimentary passion could probably learn to cook many other dishes. Nonetheless, I'll hardly prove 'useful' to any stereotypical I-work-you-clean man.

Of course, the main problem is that I don't really like the idea of marriage, anyway. If it's for you, then great, congratulations, many happy returns etc. but personally, it's simply two rings, a piece of paper, a white dress, some confetti and £9000 or so drained from your bank account. I believe that if two people love each other enough they don't need anything else to prove it. Also, an inordinate amount of marriages end in divorce nowadays, and that certainly isn't an appealing prospect. I suppose in a way my view of marriage is similar to Dylan Thomas'. I can't say we share opinions on alcohol, though.

Bypass the hearts

It's a bit ridiculous how so many single people are complaining and sighing deeply and conspicuously just because they'll be without a lover on Valentine's Day. So what? As most will agree, the day of Cupid, hearts, flowers, chocolates et al is a giant marketing ploy tailored to fuel our over-consumption and make us feel all romantic (if cliche is romantic) for a day . Considering this, why do we still mope and pity ourselves simply because we're lacking a partner? And besides, it's Chinese New Year tomorrow! There's no sense writing emo-poetry and sobbing into your loveless lap when you could be enjoying some chow mein and egg fried rice while watching the fireworks. Let's get some perspective and sense here - it's the 21st Century in which it's perfectly acceptable to remain single, marry young or old, never get married, date younger or older or outside your race, love someone of the same sex and generally do your own thing without being judged. And being alone on Valentine's Day is simply another one of these things.

I do Valentine's Day ironically

Perhaps I'll spend it with Sam, my dear friend who just so happens to be a boy, doing fun non-romantic things like watching shopping channels and baking cakes or even playing the Ocarina on his iPhone. I've never had a romantic Valentine's Day and that's absolutely fine. I've actually never had a romantic day in my life, but again that's fine. That part of my life is in quite a happy, latent state.